Is this Relatable?

Why do we all feel entitled? Why do we all want instant gratification? Why do we expect things to fall perfectly into our lap?

I am the first one to admit. I am entitled. I know this and I have earned my entitlement. Did I grow up entitled? Most likely, but not as much as some. My parents were divorced, I struggled with mental health, I was lonely, I lacked emotional connections with people. I know my parents did their best. I didn’t have the fancy name brand things. I ate alot of fast food and hamburger helper. I didn’t go on lavish vacations. We went on drivable vacations and that was perfectly fine. I didn’t get on a airplane until my senior year and we did a senior trip to Mexico. I was ungrateful and delusional then, but thinking back I wish I would not had been so entitled. I put my friends first over family. I always wanted to be the best friend and never was. I still to this day am not. I don’t think I have ever been somebody’s go to. I take that back my husband would call me.

I was so entitled though that I felt invincible. In college I could do no wrong. I could party and drop out of school and there would be no consequences. My parents consistently bailed me out of trouble and still do when it is needed. Entitled I KNOW!

I will say for the most part though I have gotten my shit together. I dropped out of school and hit that rock bottom point and didn’t want to be here anymore. My mother wrote me a letter basically saying she was done and I needed to figure it out. I was crushed and didn’t understand how I got to that point. I do however believe in God and believe things are all meant to happen for a reason, good or bad. I was driving to my hometown and saw a billboard for weekend adult college at Barton. I was so close to finishing my degree and decided to contact them. I applied and got in and started my career in social work.

I remember the gratification of graduating and thinking I earned this. My entitlement continued though. I graduated, so I should automatically get a fantastic job doing whatever I wanted to do? Umm no. I ended up being unemployed for 8 months. I applied to 16 jobs and got the 16th one. I was hired at a prison as a correctional officer working nightshifts, making around $28k. (Oh the stories I have). I spent 3 years there about and at the one year mark I realized that prison life was not for me. I found a masters program online for social work and pursued that. I completed that program in another 1.5 and then applied for jobs again. Thankfully I had a friend that worked for a EAP company and she was able to get me a job making $35k answering phones speaking with people. That’s right I was making 35K with a MASTERS! I had student loan debt out of my eyeballs and to be honest it sucked. I worked that job for a year and was continuously applying for jobs. I finally landed a job as a Hospice social worker, which was my dream. I did my internship for Hospice and the hospice I got the job at was a hour away from me. Entitlement with jobs gone, nothing is given it is earned. I will do another blog on the rest of my career journey, but realize that entitlement for anything in life can hinder you.

What about instant gratification? I think the story above is a good indication that nothing is really in our control. The next hard lesson I learned was nothing happens in a instant. I am the type of person who wants to control every aspect of my life. I don’t want to wait and I don’t want to lose control. I bet you can guess what sign I am? (Virgo, just in case you were curious). I have been humbled by God alot and I have finally gotten to the point, where I ask, is this something I can control? If I say yes, then I do, if I say no I pray about it. This is a hard skillset to learn and honestly God had let me down some, so it was hard getting to that point. I don’t expect anything anymore and put my faith in him. I don’t rush life, because it is to short. I don’t expect this blog or my social media to ever blow up and get big. I don’t even know if I want that. I am honestly not sure what I want, other than to show people that life is worth it, so keep going.

I do get why we think everything should fall directly in our laps. My parents let me fail, but it didn’t happen often. I played sports and I know the feeling of disappointment. I understand that things come to you when you work hard. We can change the course of our life if we try and we can do better. No situation is permanent. Bad things are going to happen and good things are going to happen. Some people are just more fortunate than others with opportunities and that is a part of life. I am not upset about it and you shouldn’t be either. This is what drives me to want to be successful. I don’t want things handed to me. I want to work hard and accomplish the goal and then look back and say, I didn’t have any handouts. I think it is a matter of time before things get recognized, and I hold out hope that somebody that is bigger than me gets bored and stumbles across these blogs.

My end goal is to have the Are You ok Movement to expand and have peer support groups, sponsers for people and just overall help. What are dreams that you have? What is stopping you? Your age and ethnicity means nothing, your mind means everything. Set your mind on the prize and go for it. Don’t stop until you get to where YOU want to be.